Would You Marry Me?

David Derbyshire
Oct 29, 2015
3 min read

N ow matrimony and affairs of the heart may not be my strong suit but… How many of you reading this article became “engaged” to their current partner after only one or two dates? How many even thought of that concept when initially identifying someone you may have an interest in? It seems to me that becoming engaged happened after a series of connections that involved among other things:

Having fun together; Finding and sharing common values; Developing the ability to problem solve together; Sharing hopes and dreams; Truly enjoying and respecting each other; Sharing decision making; Trust; Mutual respect.

Only after spending time together, struggling to understand and trust each other and agreeing on a mutual, shared path do we agree that our goals, outcomes and preferred way of living are compatible. We progress from a trusting and sharing relationship to a more connected and committed step that requires each to pledge their willingness to a shared future together.These are the 8 steps to engagement - at least according to that guy in baggy shorts and colourful shirts who has wandered around our neighbourhood for the last few years. I hear he is no expert on marriage or engagements, or maybe he is after 3 or 4 tries. But wait a minute- what does this have to do with our neighbourhood? How many times have we heard of different groups/individuals attempting to “engage” a neighbourhood? They hold “focus groups”, “town halls” or “community forums” to “engage” the community and find out what a community wants. Reflect back for a moment, how long did it take you and that special someone to whom you became “engaged” for the two of you to work through the superficial before you agreed on the core values and goals you could commit to in the long term? Why is it that so many claim to have “engaged” the neighbourhood or its neighbours and have reached a level of involvement and understanding after only a brief courtship? And yes, first dates are magical and can be full of hopes and dreams but they are also scary and can be a time of fear and mistrust. So remember this, and take the time to build a solid relationship before announcing you have engaged the neighbourhood. It can and has been done successfully in Sherman and many neighbourhoods across our city, but only through taking the time to work through the steps needed to build a trusting and caring relationship. So for those of you in Sherman with whom we have taken the time to build the trust necessary to claim we have engagement, we will continue our journey to create beauty and light, and for those of you we have only begun to connect with, let’s continue to “date” and see if and when this may lead to you too becoming engaged. On a separate note, I want to take the time to thank those of you who attended my surprise Birthday Party on Sept 27th at the Perkins Center. It was indeed a surprise and another example of how the Sherman neighbours find a way to make a guest feel like a part of this community. See we all do fit. By the time you read this I will have retired from my role as a Community Developer with the Social Planning and Research Council, but with your permission, I will return to the Sherman Hub meetings and help strengthen the relationship between the McMaster School of Nursing, the Hub, and do anything else I can to be helpful.